i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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