If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
