If that was your dad, he is hot
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize