you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
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