So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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