btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize