I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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