Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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