OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
