That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
