another moral hangover. fuck.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
