This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
We have started to decorate penises.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
