Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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