I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
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