Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
