i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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