The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Randomize
