Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
