? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
