i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
