He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
this boner is exhausting
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
