he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
