Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
After tacos, we're chasing women.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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