Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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