well you can't waste a boner
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
