Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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