i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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