I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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