Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
