Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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