i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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