jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
