What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
