The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize