So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
