I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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