I am in a vortex of obligation.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
