OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
