I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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