Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
