i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
