Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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