We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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