you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
