I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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