what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
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