I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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