my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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