dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Randomize
