You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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