What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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