just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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