Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
