my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize