She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
