Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
