we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
