When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Randomize
