this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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