Im at strip club and am horny
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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