I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
