Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
You know, be my cock's hype man.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
