I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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