i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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