Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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