Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize
