I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
