Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Randomize
