My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
She's the barista slut.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
